Come back, be here
by Anyfey
Summary: 6 months after the birth of their little daughter Maura and Jane are nowhere near happy. After a fight Jane sees no other option than moving out. Will they be able to save their marriage? Is their love strong enough to survive this?
1. Chapter 1: Falling

A/N: This was originally thought as the last chapter of "You're not lost on your own" but I thought it should stand alone and I don't think it would've fitted into that story. Then I thought I would make a one shot but it seemed pressured the way I wrote it so there you have a new story.

Enjoy!

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**"Chapter 1"**

**"Falling"**

„Hush little baby don't say a word

Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing

Momma's gonna buy you a diamond ring

And if that diamond ring goes brass

Momma's gonna buy you a looking-glass."

Jane was standing in the doorway to the nursery, watching her wife sing their baby daughter Suzana to sleep. She herself just brought their six-year-old Kayla to bed.

Although Jane loved the sight of Maura with Suzana she just couldn't stand that song anymore. It was almost the only thing she has heard for the last six months. Six months in which Maura did nothing but sit next to Suzana's crib, watching over her and picking her up whenever she let out even the littlest of winces. Maura hasn't really left the house, besides the little walk around the block with Suzana she did every day, since the day they came home from the hospital. Jane barely recognized her wife anymore and she had no idea what she should do. She thought after Suzana's birth everything would be perfect. After all this time wishing, hoping and praying for another child, after the loss of Jasper, the baby boy they adopted, 4 years ago. He died in his sleep just a month after they brought him home. Both Jane and Maura were blaming themselves although they knew there was nothing they could've done to prevent this. Eventually they were at point where they wanted to become pregnant again. This time Maura wanted to carry the child, since, with Kayla, they already had a Mini Jane running around the house. 2 years and a few failed attempts later Maura was finally pregnant and Jane, Kayla and her couldn't have been happier until Suzana was born.

And now 6 months later Maura still doesn't leave Suzana alone, or with anyone else than her, for more than 10 minutes, Jane hasn't even held Suzana since that one time right after her birth and Kayla wasn't allowed anywhere near the baby.

As much as Jane loved Maura and as much as she knew why Maura acted the way she acted, she had no idea how long she was able to handle this. Although Maura was right there she missed her more than anything and Kayla missed her mother. Jane needed her wife, Jane needed to be able to build some kind of relationship with Suzana.

As Suzana finally fell asleep and Maura put her in her crib Jane waved for Maura to come out of the room and went towards the living room. She knew that the following conversation could end loudly, so she didn't want to be immediately in front of the girls' rooms.

Maura hesitated a little but eventually followed Jane. „What is it, Jane?" Maura asked after she came to a halt. Jane could clearly hear a trace of annoyance in her wife's voice.

Jane looked at her wife, worry was written all over her face. Worry and just plain helplessness. She had no idea how she could help Maura, how she could get her out of this.

„Maur, please you have to do something about this. I need you. Kayla needs you. Do you know that she thinks you don't love her anymore, Maura?" Jane said, barely able to hold back her tears „I know it's hard for you. After what happened with Jasper"

„You know nothing, Jane. You couldn't care less about Suzana. I have to stay with her. I have to keep an eye on her. Because you wouldn't do it. You don't care about her. Just like you didn't about Jasper." Maura snapped, knowing she hit a nerve. The night Jasper died Jane was alone with him.

„Maura… I…of course…" Jane stuttered in response, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was speechless. She knew Maura was still blaming her for their son's death but accusing her of not caring about their children was something different.

„That's unfair, Maura… you know how much I loved Jasper. And do you really think I don't care about Suzana? Of course I do. But how should I show it when you wouldn't let me anywhere near her? Is this how it's gonna go from now on? Every time I say something to you,you gonna accuse me of something as ridiculous as that? I… I don't think I can take this any longer. Please let me get you help or get it yourself, but please, baby,you have to do something. I barely recognize you. Gosh you lost so much weight. Please, tell me what I can do?" Jane rambled on. Maura didn't seem to show any particular interest in what Jane said. All she heard was the part about Jane not being able to take this any longer.

„What you can do? Leave me alone, that's what? If I'm that unbearable, go! Go and leave me alone. We don't need you! Suzana's better off without you anyway." Maura said, every word was like a whip in Jane's face.

„Are you serious?" Jane asked after what Maura said sunk in.

Maura simply nodded and went back into the direction of the nursery.

Jane was just standing there, she let out a sob not able to hold anything in anymore and broke down to the floor. Not long after she heard Jo Friday tribble over to her. The little dog jumped into her lap, trying to comfort Jane.

„What's wrong, Ma?" Jane heard Kayla say after a while. Jane had no idea how long her daughter had been standing outside the living room already. Jane swiftly wiped her tears away.

„Nothing, baby, nothing." She said and went over to her daughter to pick her up.

„Why are you crying?" the little girl asked playing with one of Jane's curls.

„Nothing you have to worry about, baby girl" Jane said and kissed Kayla on the cheek.

She put Kayla back into her bed and after a few pages of Kayla's favorite book the little girl fell back to sleep.

Jane herself had a hard time falling asleep on the couch, that looked way more comfortable than she actually was. Jane couldn't stop thinking about all the things Maura said. Did she really mean all of that? Was this the end of their marriage, after everything they've been through? Soon enough Jane's eyes were filling with tears again. She loved Maura and she needed Maura but just thinking about how much it hurt Kayla that Maura didn't pay attention to her anymore she thought that maybe it would be better if she and Kayla would leave.

xxx

The next morning Jane woke up, her back hurting. As Jane entered the kitchen she saw Maura making coffee. She held back the urge to hug Maura from behind like she usually does.

„Good morning" Jane said.

Maura didn't answer.

„I talked to Frankie. He's going to let me and Kayla stay at his house. We are leaving today."

Again nothing from Maura. Jane didn't expect Maura to beg her to stay after her outburst the night before but she thought Maura would at least show some reaction.

Before Jane had to bring Kayla to school she packed their stuff. Kayla didn't quite understand what was going on. Jane explained to her that Maura and her needed some time alone to think about some things and that they would stay at Frankie's for a little while. Since Kayla loved her cousins Blake and Marina and her uncle and aunt she seemed happy about this turn of events.

xxx

Jane was sitting on the bed in Frankie's guestroom and was looking at her wedding ring. She was not sure if leaving was the right decision. Maybe if she would've stayed Maura and her would've gotten around to talk about all this. But something deep inside Jane told her that Maura wasn't really all that eager to sort things out. Still she had hope, because she didn't want to think that their marriage was over. That everything they worked through was for nothing. That their love was not strong enough to survive this. Jane felt tears running down her cheeks again. All caught up in her thoughts she didn't notice that Riley entered the room.

„Hey Frankie just told me that you and Maura had a fight, what happened?" Riley asked causing Jane to flinch a little.

Jane told her everything that happened the previous night. All the accusations on both sides and how Maura didn't even react to Jane telling her about moving out.

„I don't think we can fix this, Riles. I need her. I love her" Jane ended. Riley pulled her into a hug.

„Just give it time. I'm sure you can fix this and I'm sure that Maura didn't mean all the things she said. She was probably just caught in the moment."

„I hope you're right. Gosh, I miss her already. But what hurts me most though, ist hat Maura doesn't seem to care at all about the fact that Kayla thinks Maura doesn't love her anymore. Do you have any idea how heartbreaking it is when your six-year old asks ‚Why doesn't mommy love me anymore'" Jane said, tears forming in her eyes again, this time more out of frustration than sadness.

xxx

„I miss Mommy." Kayla said as Jane and her lay in bed that night.

„I miss her, too" Jane replied. „Believe me I miss her too"

„Can we go home again. Ma, please?"

„Not yet, I told you Mommy and I need some time apart to think about a few things."

„Then think faster." Kayla said and snuggled closer to her mother and fell asleep soon after.

Jane kissed her daughter at the top of her head and ruffled through her raven curls.

„I'm sorry, sweetie" Jane mumbled „I'm so sorry"


	2. Chapter 2: Almost Alright

**Hey guys. I'm really sorry it took this long to update but I had the worst case of writer's block and I was kinda lost on what to do with this story. But I think I have a pretty good idea now so yeah. To the reviewer who said something about the quotation marks: I really can't do anything against... that's the way it is on my "word". That's the way they are used in German and I am really sorry but I'm really not in the mood to change it manually here in the doc manager. **

**I'm happy so many people requested a second chapter and said I should hurry to update. I hope you guys like it. So enjoy reading.**

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**Chapter 2 **

**„Almost alright"**

„Ma, can you ask Mommy if she can come to my recital?" Kayla asked as she ate her breakfast cereal. Jane almost choked on her coffee. She hadn't talked to Maura in about 3 months now. After their fight she went back to their house only once to pick up some of her and Kayla's things. They only had a short talk which almost led to more fighting and in which both, Maura and Jane, came to the conclusion that it would be better for them to be separated for a while. Actually it was Maura who proposed this and Jane reluctantly agreed. Since then Jane, Kayla, Jo Friday and Kayla's bunny Sparkles lived in in a small apartment. And even though Jane and Maura's fight was horrible and they haven't talked in months neither Jane nor Maura have filed the divorce papers yet. And although no attempt has been made, by any of them, Jane still hoped that her and Maura could get back together. For Kalya's sake and even though Jane hated to admit it also for her own sake. She needed Maura. And she knew she had to start talking to Maura to make this happen but she wasn't really ready to do it on this particular day. It was April 13, their 7th wedding anniversary and yes it was a Friday as well. No, Friday the 13th wasn't really the best day to talk to her.

„Why don't you ask her yourself, baby girl. Isn't it her day to call you, today?" Jane asked. Approximately a month after Jane and Kayla moved out, Maura started to call Kayla every other day. From Tommy, Jane knew that Maura was doing a lot better and that she started to go to therapy and even joined a support group. And also the conversations between Kayla and Maura she sometimes overheard, made Jane think that Maura really was on a way to get better. And nothing made her happier than knowing that. But she didn't quite know if Maura would be able to go to Kayla's recital.

„I'm scared that she says no" Kayla answered confirming Jane's assumption.

Jane bit her lip. She definitely wasn't ready to talk to Maura but she couldn't not do it when Kayla had this pleading look on her face. It always was hard for Jane to say no to her daughter but since Jane took Kayla away from the home she knew, it got even harder to say no.

„Okay", she said finally „When Mommy calls today, I'm gonna talk to her, okay?"

The little girls face lit up. She nodded excitedly „Thank you, Ma" she said and kissed Jane. „Do you think she will like how I dance now?"

„I'm sure she will, baby girl. You got really good." Jane responded. In the last 9 months Jane learned a lot about what is good and what is bad in dance. More than she ever wanted to know.

„Thanks, Ma" Kayla said and smiled. The little girl was happy that now also Jane was so involved in her favorite pastime.

„You're welcome, hurry now, Nonna is gonna be here soon" Jane said. Angela always picked Kayla up to bring her to school. Jane hated to be so dependent on her mother but she was so thankful for Angela's help. Without her she wouldn't be able to keep the job she has now.

„How are you doing, honey?" Angela asked Jane as she arrived. She knew which day it was and that even though Jane might not show it Angela knew that Jane and Maura's seperation wasn't at all easy on her daughter.

„I'm fine, really Ma. I'm good. And tell Frankie and Tommy that they shouldn't even dare call me today and ask me how I am." Jane responded.

„Janie, they are just worried about you."

„There's npthing to worry about. I'm totally fine. Okay?" Jane said probably more to convince herself than her mother.

It was the slowest day at work for Jane. The team was working on some cold cases and nothing really popped up. But not only the work itself made it almost unbearable to be at the precinct also the people did. They treated Jane extra nice today since, thanks to her mother, everyone knew about Maura's and Jane's situation at the moment and everyone knew that it was their anniversary. Jane avoided every possible encounter with any of her co-workers except Frost and Korsak. And when it was finally time to go home, she was out of the precinct before anyone could even say goodbye.

She drove right to the dance studio where her daughter was taking dance classes.

„Maura didn't call" Angela said as Jane sat down next to her mother. „Kayla was so sad, she almost didn't want to go to dance"

„Goddammit" Jane mumbled. „I have to make things right with Maura, Ma. I can't Kayla live like this anymore. She asks me every day when we can go home. Every day. She misses Maura so much." Jane said, her eyes filling with tears „I lied, Ma. I'm not fine. Not at all. I miss her so." added.

„I know, Janie. Come here" Angela said and pulled her daughter into a hug.

As Kayla was finished with her dance class Jane was all pulled together again, her daughter was sad enough as it is, she shouldn't know that Jane was just as sad and as frustrated.

„Why didn't Mommy call today?" Kayla asked as Jane and her were laying in Jane's bed where Jane always reads a goodnight story to her daughter.

„I don't know, baby girl. Maybe something happened with the baby and she didn't have time. I'm sure she is going to call tomorrow."

„And then you ask her?"

„Then I'll ask her" Jane just hoped that Maura was able to go to Kayla's dance recital because the little girl was so excited about this for weeks now and she just wanted to show Maura how good she has gotten.

„You know that Mommy loves you, right?" Jane asked after a moment of silence.

Kayla nodded reluctantly. It hurt Jane to see that Kayla still doubted that Maura loved her. And she was sure that it was still gonna take a while until Kayla fully trusted Maura again.

„I love you, Ma" Kayla said and snuggled closer to Jane.

„I love you, too." Jane responded and kissed Kayla on the top of her head.

As Kayla fell asleep Jane carried her in her own bed. Just as went out of Kayla's room she heard her phone ring. She closed the bedroom door as fast as she could so Kayla wouldn't wake up and went for the phone. As she saw Maura's name on the call ID it took her a while to pick up.

„Hey" she said as she picked up.

„Hey Jane" Jane heard Maura say. It was good to hear her voice again. And it made her once again realize how much she really missed her wife.

„Kayla just fell asleep" Jane said.

„I'm really sorry, I didn't call. Suzana is sick and she was crying all day. And she just finally fell asleep. I'm going to call her tomorrow, okay?" Maura responded.

„Yeah of course. She was just really down because of it today. But I'm sure she will understand."

After a moment of silence Jane added „Listen Maura, Kayla asked me to ask you if you could come to her dance recital next Friday. It would mean a lot to her."

„Yes, sure. I would love to." Maura answered.

„That's good. She was scared you would say no"

The two of them proceeded to talk for a while, mostly about Kayla and Suzana. Just as Jane wanted to hang up she heard Kayla behind her „Is that Mommy?" Jane nodded and after saying goodbye to Maura she handed her daughter the phone.

„But not too long, okay?" Kayla nodded with a smile on her face.

„Mommy said she's going to come" Kayla said smiling as she hung up.

„I know. And now you go back to sleep."

And as Jane went to bed that night she felt a flicker of hope that her relationship with Maura would change everything. Talking to her wasn't as awkward as she expected it to be. And she hasn't felt this happy in a long time.

As Maura hung up the phone she couldn't help but smile. She just had a total normal talk with Jane. She never thought this would be possible after months of not talking at all. She felt hopeful that their relationship would take a turn for the better. And even though she missed Jane terribly she knew it was the right decision to be on her own through the last 3 months. Those months were pretty hard for Maura but now she finally was on her way to feeling better. She felt like the therapy was really going very well. And she was more and more able to have a normal life again. The happiness she felt when she thought about seeing Kayla and Jane the next week suppressed the fear of leaving Suzana with her mother for a whole afternoon. She missed Kayla and Jane way too much to let this chance slip away. And she knew she was ready to do this. This was what her therapy prepared her for. Just like Jane, Maura went to sleep this night feeling happier than she felt for a long time. She knew her family was going to be together again and meeting Kayla and Jane was the first step to this goal.


	3. Chapter 3: Realize

Yo! Here you go! Chapter 3 :) Enjoy!

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As Maura woke up the next day she still felt just as happy as she felt when she went to bed. The excitement over talking to Jane still hadn't worn off at all. Everything from hearing Jane's voice to the way she talked to the fact that Jane told her about her day as if nothing ever happened filled her with joy. But it made her also realize how badly she really missed Jane. Of course Maura thought a lot about her and Jane getting back together over the last two months but the really missing her part didn't quite kick in until the previous night. That's why she was overly excited to go to this recital on Friday. She would get to see Jane and Kayla. But until then she still had to figure out a way how she could leave Suzana with Constance for an entire afternoon without getting a panic attack or thinking she was the worst mother in the universe. And although those things occurred a lot less now she still wasn't entirely comfortable to leave her daughter with someone else for more than four hours, especially not her mother. But she wasn't sure if four hours would be long enough since she told Jane that she would like to come around a little earlier so she could spend some time with Kayla. And also she wanted to ask Jane if Kayla could spend some time with her once a week. Maura finally felt confident enough to watch over both girls. But she had no idea how she should convince Jane. And she wasn't sure if Kayla would even like to spend time with her. Of course Kayla loved that Maura called every other day and was overly excited that she agreed to go to the recital but Maura knew that the little girl was still upset. Every time Maura called she could hear the relive in her daughter's voice that Maura was really calling her but she could also hear that Kayla wasn't 100% trusting her again quite yet. Maura knew that she messed up and that she really disappointed her daughter. And all she wanted was to make it right. That's why it was so important to go to that recital and Maura was more than determined to keep this promise. And also this recital brought her back another thing that she didn't even realized she missed: Seeing Kayla dance. She missed dance in general. She missed sitting in that dance studio and even though she often was annoyed by and complained a lot about the other 'dance moms' she even missed them a little. The thought of Jane interacting with those women, her sitting in that dance studio made her chuckle a little. She could see Jane rolling her eyes, avoiding every conversation and rushing out of the dance studio as soon as the classes were over. Jane never liked those moms nor was she particularly interested in dance but Maura knew that Jane would do anything for her little girl. And that she had to do things that that previously were Maura's obligations. Maura still couldn't believe that she had let it come this far, that she didn't care about anything else than Suzana anymore, that she neglected two of the most important people in her life. And of course she still couldn't believe that it came to that fight and even thinking about it now brought tears of frustration into Maura's eyes. The things she said to Jane were so outrageous, so horrible and over the last three months and a lot of therapy sessions she realized that nothing of what she said was true and that she meant none of it. But she still hadn't quite figured out why she said them. And also she had no idea how she would ever be able to apologize for those things. She was almost certain that Jane would probably not be able to forgive her. Maura's thoughts went back to that night a lot and even though she didn't realize it back then, she remembered how hurt Jane looked when Maura said all this. In fact she has never seen Jane so hurt, not even back when her father found out about Jane being gay and blaming everything bad that ever happened to their family on her and her "sinful behavior". No, Maura seriously had no idea how Jane would ever be able to forgive her, and honestly as much as she wanted it to happen she wouldn't hold it against her if Jane couldn't get herself to forgive her.

Before Maura could totally get lost in her self-loathing thoughts she heard Suzana stir and soon after cry after her. That was Maura's cue to get up and once again push her thoughts about Jane aside.

"Good morning, baby girl" Maura said as she picked Suzana out of her crib. The little girl smiled this adorable little smile that made Maura fall in love with her baby daughter all over again every single day.

"Look who's smiling. You are feeling better today, aren't you? Are you hungry, bug?" Maura said. Over the last two months really started to enjoy and appreciate her little daughter. She started to see how much she looked like herself, to see how beautiful Suzana was. Before the fight, before the first success of her therapy kicked in, Maura didn't pay that kind of attention to Suzana. All her concern was on how to protect her daughter, protect her from everyone and everything. All in all she was very cold towards her daughter, yes she wanted her to live, to be here but, as she learned, this coldness was some kind of protection for Maura. She wouldn't let herself form a deeper bond with her daughter. But in the last two months she really started to. She loved just watching Suzana while she played or just cuddle with her. And she more and more took longer walks with Suzana and also made trips to the playground where she actually made some friends.

Since April brought the first sunny days to Boston Suzana and Maura were sitting out in the garden an hour after they got up.

"Looks like Uncle Tommy is coming, bug!" Maura said as she saw Tommy pulling into her driveway. The little girl clapped and giggled at the mention of his name.

Very shortly after Maura's and Jane's fight Tommy started to come around the house for an hour or two before he had to go to work. And Maura was more than thankful for that. Not only was he keeping her company but he was also a great help for Maura during everything that went on during the last three months. He would gladly change shifts and cancel plans to be there for his sister's wife or to watch Suzana for an hour when Maura had some errands to run. And Suzana enjoyed his presence immensely.

"Hey little bug" Tommy said and picked Suzana up. Her tickled her and she was was shaking of laughter. Maura had to hold back her concerns, she had to remind herself that Tommy would not let her daughter fall, he wouldn't hurt her. After this reminder she couldn't help but smile.

"You look really happy today. Did something happen?" Tommy asked and sat down next to Maura on the blanket putting Suzana in his lap.

"I talked to Jane last night" Maura responded.

Tommy didn't even try to his surprise. "Oh. How did this come about?"

"I called a little later than usual because Suzana was still a little sick-ish and extremely cranky yesterday and Kayla was already in bed so Jane picked up. We talked for a while. And she asked me if I could come to Kayla's recital on Friday" Maura told him looking happier than Tommy has seen her in a long time.

"Do you think you can do it?" Tommy asked.

Maura nodded "I think, yes. I know it's gonna be long than four hours, especially since I want to spend some time with Kayla before the recital start, but I just have to do it. I just have to get through it. I wish I could ask Angela to watch her, though. I mean my mother is way better with Suzana than she ever was with me but still I would feel a lot safer with Angela. But that's not an option.

"I can stay with Suzana if you want. This recital is not really how I want to spend a Friday evening" Tommy offered.

"Tommy… that's mean. She's your niece, it's your job to go to things like that. Besides Kayla would hate me if I kept you from going. I just have to swallow my fear, leave my baby with my mother and get distracted enough to not think about freaking out." Maura responded.

"That's the spirit! You know, I'm really proud of you!" Tommy said.

"Thanks T. But I wouldn't have been able to make it this far without you."

"Sure thing" Tommy said and Maura gave him a kiss on the cheek. A think that would've made him swoon back when he was a teenager and Jane first brought Maura home to meet the family. He was madly in love with her. But that was long gone and Maura was just as much his sister as Jane was.

They both sat in silence for a while until either of them started talking again. Maura broke the silence.

"Tommy, do you think Jane can ever forgive me?" Maura asked.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her about that yet. All I know is she still loves you."

"How can she, though. After everything I said. I drove this family apart. She said that she would leave and I said nothing. Nothing at all. And then she comes back after two weeks and I send her away again, for good."

"Maura, she knows what you are going through. And I don't think that she so easily would forget about the love she had for you for the last 15 years. You guys have been through so much."

"But nothing has been this massive. You know what I said to her. And to top it all off I kept Suzana as far away from her as possible. Honestly I wouldn't blame her if she would hate me"

"She doesn't hate you, Maura. Just give it time."

"Maybe you're right. It's just, I miss her so much."

"She misses you, too."

"You think?"

"I know." He glanced at his watch "Oh my, I should better get this swing-set set up now. Maura, are you okay if not I can do this another time and we could talk."

"No Tommy I'm fine. Thank you, for everything."

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Thanks for the reviews and follows and favorites! I really really appreciate it!


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